Erin
and Chris’ Letter of Advice
My dearest little sister to whom I would
travel around the world for in order to keep safe ,and whom I consider more of
a best friend that is always there to help pick up the pieces of so many other
people’s lives. Chris, the one person to whom I can see as always being there
to take the place of guardian, protector and friend for several years. I am writing this letter in the hopes that
your engagement and future marriage is one filled not only with love, caring
and the future of nieces and/nephews, but with an understanding of how to break
down the barriers of effective interpersonal interactions, finding the perfect
strategy for active, critical, and empathic listening along with knowing that
words can be powerful in creating and affecting attitudes, behavior even
perception. Also, how important it is to have some kind of strategy to manage
any interpersonal conflicts as well as gaining an understanding of the impact
of gender and culture in interpersonal communication.
It is my hope and prayer that you both find
this letter full of good advice as well as helpful in avoiding any
communication problems that arise now and in the future between you both at
home or in the work place.
Barriers of effective
interpersonal interactions
Erin and Chris, as you embark on this new
journey of your lives you will both need to understand that communication is
not just for group discussions, but also for those times when you want or feel
you need to share information. By breaking down the barriers that affect your
interpersonal communication, you both will open a passageway to “setting a
great example for talking to one another, family members at home, new
neighbors, co-workers in the office, by working on this you both will be able
to communicate or interact and affect each other in positive ways with dyadic
communication since it involves two people.” (Sole, K.2011) By having this dyadic communication you
will be able to avoid the common obstacles or psychological factors that
contribute to the disruptive effects on interpersonal communication. By avoiding such obstacles such as
defensiveness- an excessive concern with protecting yourself from being hurt,
motivational distortion-wanting to hear only certain parts of what is being
discussed, self-preoccupation-also known as one upping and not realizing that
this has a negative effect on the other person, and game playing- the
manipulative interactions with foreseen outcomes, that you or someone else
hides the true intentions of the conversation that is being had. Having these barriers broken down and
avoiding or being prepared for any of the obstacles that may disrupt your
interpersonal communication will help in setting up a strategy for active,
critical and empathic listening skills.
Strategies for active,
critical and empathic listening skills
As H. Norman Wright put it so bluntly,
“One of the greatest gifts you can give to your spouse is the gift of
listening. It can be an act of connection and caring. Often when two people are
talking, to one another their conversations and dialogues fall on that of the
deaf. Basically, they are talking at one another instead of to one another.
Listen to your spouse, he or she feels;”
I must be worth hearing.” If, you ignore your
spouse, the thought could be one;” What I
said was not important or “He or She
does not care about me!” Understand listening is much different than hearing. Listening is that you are
trying to understand the other person’s feelings. Hearing is passive, while
listening is active. By sitting silently and, shutting your mouth you might
find that not only does it provide quiet, but it allows you to reflect, and
think about the day’s events and how you want to express them to the
listener. Basically, listening can be
defined in three parts. The first part is to concentrate on what you or the
other person is saying and absorbing it when most people are not listening to
what is being said to them but are already listening to what they are going to say in response. Too
often you might think you know what your partner is going to say, so you put
our minds on hold and tune each other out. Second, is accepting what each other
is saying without even judging what is being said or how it is being said. By
accepting what is being said you are not agreeing , it just means that you
understand that what the other person is saying is something that person feels
strongly about. Finally, try repeating what your partner is saying and what you
think they might be feeling while they spoke to you. Real listening signals an
obvious interest in the other person’s feelings and opinions as well as an
attempt in understanding each other from one another’s perspective. I know it may sound strange, but even just
sitting there quietly and just listening to what each of you is saying can be a
major step in strengthening your relationship with each other and in your
corporate lives. Kenny Moore found that
“silence is golden” when you stop and listen to what is being said at work
after he left his monastery. By just sitting and listening to what was being
said at his own job he found that it improved the morale of the workers and
corporate staff. Just remember that your
words hold a certain amount of power too.
